


Caleb Cleveland: Kid Cop - LIVE

by chocolatedisco



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 16:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9392561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatedisco/pseuds/chocolatedisco
Summary: Taako finds himself taking Angus to see a play. Illegal and cute things happen.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I love Angus McDonald. I want him to have a loving shitty wizard dad and a boy to give tiny secret smooches to. This is my story.
> 
> No warnings I can think of!

He could have thought so much faster. He could have saved himself. There were plenty of chumps on the moon who would have taken the hit for him. But Angus was just so... ugh.

"If you're busy or, um, don't really want to, it's ok. But I thought it might be nice to spend time together outside of lessons, doing something you don't have to put so much effort into."

Ultra ugh. From anyone else it might have sounded like subtle pressure, but Taako knew Angus was being straightforward with him. He would have been just dandy going with any rando, but no, Taako had to get sucked in by the only thing sappier than Merle's arm and doom himself to an evening attending the wildly-acclaimed "Caleb Cleveland: Kid Cop - LIVE".

At the very least, he did get to adhere to the formal dress code and bust out a sleek and sparkly black dress that had been gathering dust in his closet for a while; he wasn't sure if this one was stolen or picked out of the trash and Mended, but it probably didn't matter. Some flats for comfort, and he left his hair just like it always was --that was the look -- and he definitely got some dazzled stares on his way to the cannon room.

"Oh, wow," Angus greeted him, probably having arrived half an hour early. "You're certainly looking very sharp, sir!"

"Not too bad yourself, kiddo." Angus was wearing a mostly not ill-fitting tuxedo with a blue bowtie, his hair its usual mass of curls and tufts... Was it still the look if a socially inept 11-year-old was doing it? Whatever. "Why's everyone getting all gussied up for children's theatre anyway?"

"Theatre about a child isn't the same thing as children's theatre, but you're going to keep calling it that anyway, aren't you?"

"Oh yeah."

"Great. Thank you, sir."

"Gussied up?" He asked as they climbed into their carriage for the evening, giving Avi a little wave as he sent them off.

"The story is about a fancy party being thrown for Caleb to celebrate him solving his hundredth case. Oh, he gets framed for a murder, of course, it wouldn't be a very good play if it was just about a fun party. So, everyone dresses up, and it feels like the whole audience is at the party too! They give out little one-night glamour prisms for anyone who doesn't have a fancy outfit, but I was pretty sure you'd like it better this way."

"A hundred cases? How many of those were cats stuck in trees?"

"Those are under the jurisdiction of Francine Fredericton, Fledgling Firefighter. They don't really get along, so probably zero." Oh great, spin-offs. Definitely had to steer away from that line of conversation.

"Well, he's still padding his numbers between books, right? How many cases does a for real boy detective solve?"

"Oh, me? Um... I do consultant work with local authorities for a lot of cases, but if you're asking about big, important ones I did by myself... Nine? Does the train one count?"

"Hell no."

"Nine, then. I mean, I did solve it, and was very nice to let you solve it as well, so maybe we could round up?"

"Heeeellll no."

"Ok, that's fine. I'm sure I'll solve a new one later to make up for it. Nine big ones. High-profile criminals, very dangerous stuff."

"That dangerous, huh? I guess it kinda was, with the fire crab, and the fleshy guys, and stuff. Like, what would you have done if you had to face Jenkins without us?"

"I probably would have had Jess the Beholder's help. You were all, uh, a bit quick to accuse her, so I think my less incorrect approach would have won her over. And Graham..."

"Juicy Wizard." Angus pulled the lever without even looking at how far away from the ground they were. Nerd.

"I'm pretty much entirely sure that's not his name, but yes. He might have been able to help in some way. But even without them, I was authorized to use whatever force necessary. I may have never gone to Crossbow Camp, but I'm a pretty good shot! ...What, you don't believe me?"

"No, uh, I totally do. Crossbow Camp should mail you all the badges." He shook his head to try and dislodge the idea of Angus needing to use that dinky little peashooter to kill someone. Sure, he enjoyed a good Magic Missile, and he was trying to pass down some of his phenomenal cosmic power, but he didn't want Angus to like, need it. Suddenly he felt better about accompanying to something fun and mostly harmless, even if it encouraged this violent boy detective lifestyle. Angus was starting to look at him funny, so he shook the protective thoughts out too as they climbed out of their ride and started to make the trek into the city.

The theatre wasn't hard to find; they probably could have seen it from the base with all those lights on it. Taako had seen his name on some pretty decent marquees, but this one was so excessive and gaudy it made him jealous. He'd kind of assumed Angus was talking the production up in his excitement, but the place really was bustling, and lots of the adults didn't seem to be there with children. The thought of the play being legitimately enjoyable was unsettling -- he didn't need to like a fictional annoying boy detective when he already had a real one.

"Good evening! Tickets, please," the attendant greeted them when they reached the front of the line. Angus handed them over, the edges slightly crumpled from his excited fidgeting. "You two look wonderful together," they spoke as they tore off the stubs. "My favourite part of this job is seeing parents and their children spending quality time with each other."

"Oh, yeah, I mean, I can't make it to his fantasy baseball games, work, you know how it is. Probably for the best anyway, he's teeeerrible, but I try to be there for my little guy."

"Haha, you're so funny, d-dad," he visibly choked on the word. "He's just goofing, I have the best, uh, baseball average. On the whole team."

"Well, I'm proud of you," they laughed, handing back the stubs. "You enjoy the show now!"

"Thank you! ...Gosh. It's hard to lie to people for no reason. I don't know how you three do it all the time."

"Makes it easier to lie to people for a reason. Gotta keep the old bullshit muscles nice and limber." Besides, there was something fun about being mistaken for Angus' parent -- something he could never be allowed to know.

"You, uh, wouldn't want to tear a bullshit hamstring. Wow," he breathed as they stepped into the lobby; it certainly lived up to Angus' promise of atmosphere. It was done up like a ballroom, the light from the gigantic chandelier bouncing off all sorts of gleaming decorations Taako couldn't help but scope out for carryability. Most guests were speaking amongst themselves, though a few were even dancing in the center of the room. No one seemed to pay any mind to the dull glow of cheap illusion magic that permeated some of their finery, absorbed in conversation and hors d'oeuvres.

"This isn't, like, a roleplaying thing, right?" He asked, snagging a spinach puff off a nearby servant's tray and giving them a thumbs up.

"Maybe a little? It doesn't have to be, us Caleb Club folks just get a bit energetic about these things. I thought you liked lying for no reason, though?"

"It's not as much fun when everyone's doing it," he spoke through a mouthful of spinach puff, which was actually pretty tasty. Maybe he ought to get the recipe sometime. "You wanna go talk to them or do Caleb Crew handshakes or whatever?"

"And get spoiled? No way. Besides, I'm happy to be here spending time with you, sir."

"Pushing it, buddy."

"And, uh, they're going to let us in now. One of the servants just went up to the speaking trumpet."

"Your attention, please," he began as soon as Angus pointed at him.

"Come on, come on!" Angus grabbed Taako by the hand and tugged him towards the door with surprising strength; why he was so eager to be the first to get to his assigned seat, Taako and his sore arm weren't sure, but he supposed the faster he got out of this room, the lower the chance he'd have to talk to any of these people.

"We are now prepared to start the Ceremony of Recognition to honour the achievements of the illustrious Caleb Cleveland, Kid Cop. If you would, please make your way into the theatre so we may begin. If you have any difficulties locating your seat, a nearby attendant will be glad to assist you. There will be no intermission, so if you would, come in prepared to view the entire presentation. May you all enjoy this most momentous evening, blessed by the peace that Caleb Cleveland brings to our fair city."

"We've got really close seats, I wanted to see the action." It was indeed a great view of the curtain. A real summer blockbuster.

"Comfy chair, neat. Wake me up when it's over, ok?"

"Haha, that's a real dad one, sir. I'm sure you'll enjoy it, probably." And with that heartening encouragement, Taako settled down for what could possibly be the worst non-lethal night he had ever spent in a theatre.

\--

It wasn't the worst non-lethal night he had ever spent in a threatre. It hadn't sparked Caleb Fever in him or anything, but it was pretty ok as far as children's theatre went. Once you got past all the contrivances that made Caleb invincible and incapable of wrongdoing, he wasn't so bad. It was easy to see how into it the actor was; the rest of the cast didn't ham things up too badly, but he was the star for a reason. He was actually a lot like a less nerdy Angus.

"He was like a lot less nerdy you."

"He was AMAZING," Angus was practically breathless from all the cheering and clapping he did during the curtain call. "He was so cool, and smart, and funny, and cute, and brave, and--"

"Whoa, hold up. Cute?" Taako's mouth instantly stretched into a delighted, if slightly worrying grin.

"Uh. I meant, uh. Oh... please don't start, sir," he sighed, but these were events that were set into motion eons ago. Taako was born for this moment.

"Angus and Caleb, sittin' in a tree!"

"Sir,"

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Mr. Taaco, sir,"

"First comes love, then comes marriage,"

"I'm eleven years old!"

"Then comes a baby in a baby carriage!"

"Please don't do the next part, we would never give our baby alcohol, that is very dangerous."

"Of course not. You're goooood parents," Taako snickered and snorted at Angus' fuming.

"Well, I'll just let you laugh yourself out, then we can speak normally again." It took a while; the force of trying to make himself stop laughing made him start laughing again a couple times. But eventually, he calmed down and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Look, look, I'm sorry. Tell you what, I'll make it up to you. Wanna do a little meet and greet?"

"I don't think there is a meet and greet, sir. I would have made sure to get those tickets if they existed."

"My child. There's always a meet and greet when you're a wizard. And we're two wizards."

"You mean... we're going to sneak back there? With magic? I'm not sure that's such a great idea."

"You make it sound like we're doing something bad. We're just gonna go get you a chat with another kid. You're pretty much deprived of kid talk on the moon. It would be irresponsible of me to not make you talk to another kid while you're here, right?"

"I don't know if that's really the greatest logic, or even logic at all, but... I guess it's not really going to hurt anyone. If he doesn't want to talk, we just leave though, ok?"

"Sure thing." No Charm Person on the kid, but anyone else was fair game. Cool. He exercised this privilege immediately on the first attendant he saw, who gave him a contented smile as soon as the spell was finished. "Hey boss, which way to Cutie Cleveland's dressing room?" He could feel Angus' glowering.

"Well, I'm not really supposed to tell anyone, but since you're such a good friend, I can't imagine you doing anything untoward with that information. The door over there will bring you backstage, it should be the fourth door on your left. Is there anything else I can assist you with?"

"Uh... can you get me the recipe for those spinach puffs?"

"Hm. The chef is a little protective of his spinach puff secrets, but I'll try my best."

"And that's all I'd ever ask from you, my dude. If you get it, just leave it under that shiny goblet in the lobby, I'll pick it up on my way out."

"Certainly, friend. I'll give it my best as soon as possible. I'd hate to forget about it in the midst of all my responsibilities as an employee." Ok, that was sort of bad, but Angus seemed a little too deep in his embarrassment pit to really notice. So whatever.

"Come on, bucko, let's move. I know playing it cool's not your specialty, but just try and follow my lead, ok?" Angus nodded and followed close behind as they slipped backstage. There were a lot of people here -- more Charm Persons than he had in the tank -- but none of them really paid two more bodies in the crowd any mind. It was almost too easy to get to the fourth door on the left; he almost felt bad for having promised a cool wizard adventure. There was one guard outside, so Taako stopped Angus out of earshot. "Alright, your turn. Cast Charm Person on him."

"Uh... I don't have Charm Person."

"I didn't teach you Charm Person?"

"Oh, no, you did, sir. It's just that I didn't prepare it today."

"Prepare?"

"You know... preparing spells? Wizards putting spells in their slots?"

"You've lost me."

"I guess I'll, uh, teach you about it later. But I can only cast three spells right now."

"Well, whatcha got?"

"Expeditious Retreat, in case I was late and needed to hurry to the theatre."

"Useless."

"Another Expeditious Retreat, in case you didn't have it as well."

"Two strikes."

"And Sleep, because I'll be very excited tonight and I need to get the appropriate amount of rest for a boy my age." Taako stared at him, and Angus stared back for entirely too long before catching on. "Oh! You want me to... but, my nine hours?"

"I'll cast it on you later, come on. You wanna meet your dream boy, you gotta earn it."

"Well, um, alright. Here goes." He retrieved his wand from his pocket and performed the motions very carefully; it would have been pretty funny if he somehow catastrophically failed the spell, but nope, just a guy suddenly falling asleep where he stood. He seemed to be staying propped up against the wall nicely enough, which was a relief since Taako hadn't really considered where he would stuff a body.

"Cool. A little slow on the swishy motion, but the job's done. Aprez vous." Angus sort of approached the door, but he stopped short of reaching to knock on the door, his hand trembling at his side. "What's up?"

"I'm nervous, sir. Not because we're trespassing. Well, sort of because of that. But mostly, I wonder if he'll want to talk to me. Most kids didn't, back when I didn't live on the moon or spend all my time solving mysteries. I don't want to bother him. He must be awfully tired after that performance."

"Hey. Angus. Look at me." He complied, staring up at him with self-doubt written across his face in magic marker. Ugh. He really needed to figure out a Protection from Children spell. "Right now, I really want to knock on this door myself and then probably flip you off. So trust me. This is gonna go great. Just talk about Caleb a bunch if you can't think of anything else. He's gonna like you. Now please, save us from me."

"You're so nice, sir," he laughed, some of that tension fading away into a little smile. Attaboy. He raised his hand and knocked.

"Come in!" was the immediate reply. Angus took a deep breath and turned the doorknob, stepping into the dressing room with Taako close behind him. It wasn't as fancy a dressing room as you might imagine for a star: there were the mirrors with makeup strewn about in front of them, his costumes neatly hung on their racks, a small seating area with pitchers and cups set out, and that was about it. Probably more to give him his personal space than anything.

"Uh, hey, so," Taako began to lie about why they were there; it was improv work, since Angus' anguish had interrupted his planning phase. But he was interrupted yet again by a loud gasp from Caleb when he spun around in his chair to meet them.

"Oh my GOSH. Oh my gosh, no way. It's a coincidence, right? You can't be... Oh, where is it?" he leapt from his chair and rushed over to his costumes, returning with a feathered cap, which he set on a petrified Angus' head. "Holy moly! It's you, isn't it? You're Angus! Angus McDonald!"

"Um. Oh. Yeah, that's me?" he squeaked, and Caleb grabbed Angus' hand with both of his own and shook it vigorously.

"I can't believe it! I seriously can't! I can't believe Angus McDonald came to MY show! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, gotta turn it down a bit. I'm just so excited. I never thought I'd even meet you, much less like this. Sorry, hi! I'm Max. Max Lace, since I know your last name, haha. Wow! I guess I should explain all this, huh? I've been studying you. Uh, creepy. I mean, for this! For Caleb! The books are great, but I thought it would be even better to know about how a real detective our age would act, you know? I never managed to get ahold of you myself, but I heard so much about you from everyone I talked to. One of them even sketched you for me so I'd be able to recognize you. You look way cooler in person, just so you know." He gave a little grin and Taako imagined he could fry an egg on Angus' face at that point. 

"Sorry, sorry. It's just... Going back into the creepy zone here, but I literally think about you every time I go on stage. I wouldn't be able to play this role half as well as I do without Angus. And now you're in my dressing room. Like, wow. Um... I'm sorry. I'm being kind of hard to respond to here."

"Um. It's ok, Max!" Angus mustered his determination, grabbing Max's hand. "I loved the play. You were amazing. Everything you said makes me happy, though, um, I might be a little or probably a lot less inspiring as a real boy instead of a stories boy. But, if you're ok with that, then I'd really like to, uh, hang out for a while?"

"Of course! Super of course! Don't worry, your embarrassing detective secrets are safe with me! I can shut up when it's confidence on the line, I swear. Come on, they give me this tasty sparkly apple juice on show nights." He led Angus towards the seating area, and when Angus cast his gaze back towards Taako, he twirled a finger to conjure up the large colourful letters "GET IT" before waving and walking out the door. He hadn't imagined things going quite like that, but it seemed like it would work out just fine. Maybe he ought to check on Operation Spinach Puffs. Even at the speed that boy talked, Taako clearly wouldn't be going home for a while. But that wasn't so bad. Maybe he ought to let himself get suckered into taking annoying kids on field trips more often.


End file.
